Key Weird 03; Key Witch Page 5

  Jeremy had been watching for a storm and was pissed that one just missed the island. Now he had to go up on the roof of the porch overlooking the pool. There was a hole where a tree branch had fallen. He’d managed to put off the job for several days, but it looked like he had run out of excuses and was going to have to do some actual work.

  “Looks like that storm missed us, Jeremy. Better get up there and patch that roof.” Lydia was cleaning leaves out of the pool with a long-handled net. “And don’t tell me you need something else from the hardware.”

  Jeremy dejectedly looked at the roofing materials and tools on the ground next to the ladder. He had spent several days collecting everything he’d need, right down to the proper color shingles. The sisters had been placing bets on how long it would take him to fall off the roof. Luckily, the hole was in the porch roof, which wasn’t that high and above some shrubs. Just a few days earlier he’d fallen off a stepladder in his room.

  “I don’t know Lydia, those thunderstorms are tricky sometimes. Big storm like that could turn around and come back here real fast.” They both looked in the direction the storm had gone. Lydia shook her head and pointed at the ladder. Jeremy sighed and did his best to swallow his fear of heights as he picked up his tools and climbed the ladder. Lydia clicked the stopwatch hanging around her neck and went inside.

  ♦

  Maria, the woman who cleaned rooms at the hotel, had gone for the day and Consuelo was running the front. She took care of guests and in between worked out behind the desk. She had weights, and would do staggering numbers of sit ups and push-ups.

  A couple from Minnesota had just checked out. They loved the hotel, the beautiful weather, even the gaudy tourist shops of Duval Street, but they mostly talked about the funny artist with the plastic orange poncho he wore like a cape. Or at least the woman talked about it, the man just looked uncomfortable.

  “It was the damnest thing you ever seen, honey! He just took all this stuff, little pieces of trash it was, and made this beautiful Dali artwork! The guy must be a little off if you ask me, because he just swept it all up when he got done and threw it in the garbage can!

  “Luckily we got some pictures to show when we get back home. You mind if I take one of these?” The woman pointed to a bowl of fancy hotel matchbooks next to a bowl of mints. When Consuelo smiled and nodded, the woman took a fistful out of the bowl and stuffed them in her purse. Then as Consuelo turned around to put the room key on the board, the woman grabbed another big fistful. The husband looked away. He was used to it.

  “We’re having the early-bird dinner at that big restaurant next to the marina. I want to get a good meal because they hardly give you anything on the plane anymore. Isn’t that right, Frank?”

  Frank was staring out the window at the young woman working in the garden. It was hard not to stare. She was very attractive, and wearing only a bikini top and shorts. She moved her hand quickly in the mulch, and came up with something. She popped it in her mouth, then looked toward the window and smiled just as he heard his name.

  “Frank, are you listening to me?” Frank was startled.

  “That young woman! I think she just ate…” His wife pushed him aside for a look.

  “Quit looking at her, you’re old enough to be her father! I don’t know why you always have to embarrass me like this!”

  Consuelo took a peek out the window at her sister pulling weeds. The woman slipped a big handful of mints into her purse and headed for the door, Frank in tow with their hotel-towel-stuffed luggage.

  “We’ve got to run if we’re going to get to the restaurant in time for the special. Thanks for everything, sweetie!”

  ♦

  The days since the sisters learned Jeremy had seen Sara in Key West had been busy. They were still showing the picture around town, but didn’t get any more positive hits. All they had to go on was what Jeremy had told them. That and the crazy old guy who’d told Consuelo he saw Sara in his dreams.

  The big news otherwise had been a letter – a letter from MegaDrug offering to buy the hotel. The sisters were finding it hard to believe, and thought it was a prank. No way that could be happening to them again. There must be some mistake. Lydia called the number in the letter, and it was for real: MegaDrug offered a deal to buy them out, lock, stock and barrel.

  The sisters talked it over that night over cards. They decided MegaDrug must send out a bunch of letters every time they were going to move into another area.

  Of course they didn’t have any intention of selling this time, not at any price. They felt at home in Key West, and the hotel was just what they had been looking for. It was a bit troubling though that the offer was considerably less than what they had paid just a few weeks earlier. They agreed it might be a good idea to keep an eye out for trouble, just in case.

  ♦

  Josephine came in with the mail a few minutes after the Minnesotans had hurried off to their discount dinner.

  “We get any more offers from drug companies, Josey?”

  Consuelo was doing squats behind the desk, and only her head and shoulders showed as she came up each time. Josephine looked through the mail as she walked across the lobby.

  “Nope. B-b-bills.”

  There was a pounding noise from the back of the hotel. Both women stopped what they were doing and looked in the direction of the noise.

  “T-t-twenty minutes. Y-you?”

  Consuelo resumed her squats.

  “I’m down for a half hour, and I’m feeling lucky.” Consuelo gave her sister a big wink the next time up. There was a loud crash, and both women ran for the back of the hotel, then realized the noise came from the kitchen. They looked in and found Lydia picking up the pieces from a box of old dishes that had fallen from the table.

  “N-need help?”

  Lydia was pretty embarrassed, she usually didn’t break things.

  “Yeah, as a matter of fact, I could use some help getting things ready. Brad’s coming over for dinner this evening. I guess I’m a little nervous.”

  Consuelo couldn’t help herself.

  “He’s gay, you know.”

  Lydia was holding a particularly nasty-looking shard of porcelain in a menacing way. She gave her sister a hard look.

  “Yes, sister mine, so you’ve mentioned. Several times.”

  Consuelo gave a nervous laugh before quietly slipping back to the front desk. Josephine started sweeping broken dishes into a cardboard box.

  “Don’t m-mind her.” Lydia broke her stare from where Consuelo had left the room and went back to putting the bigger pieces in the trashcan.

  “She’s right, though. I keep thinking we can just be friends and all that crap, but I got it bad for this guy.” Lydia sighed. Josephine, who was in love with an eight inch tall alien who might not even exist, came over and gave her big sister an understanding hug.

  ♦

  Jeremy didn’t actually fall off the roof. He was pulling back the old shingles around the hole and slipped, then slid down the sloping roof on his belly for twenty feet. When he stopped, his legs dangled over the edge. His screams brought the three sisters and two guests out to investigate.

  After assuring the guests everything was all right, that he did this sort of thing all the time, a decision had to be made. Did his current position count as a fall, or not. Jeremy’s shirt had ridden up his belly on the slide down, and the road rash from the rough shingles really stung.

  “Come on here! I can’t hold on much longer! Somebody give me a hand!” On cue, the three sisters broke into a rousing golf clap, then went back to their debate.

  “It’s not a fall until he hits the ground!” Lydia checked the stopwatch. “Anyway, it’s a moot point because in a few minutes…”

  Consuelo pointed and asked what kind of parrot that was way over there, then jumped up and grabbed a foot. Jeremy lost his precarious hold and screamed a really good one before hitting the ground.

  “N-n-now look! You k-killed him!”


  Lydia clicked the stopwatch and checked Jeremy.

  “Nah, he’s faking it. Though wetting his pants was a good touch.” Jeremy opened his eyes a little to check his pants.

  “Ha! Caught you looking.” Consuelo grabbed him under the arms and pulled him to his feet. “A little scratched up, but he looks all right to me.”

  Josephine put on some disposable gloves and gave him a quick check for anything broken. The dazed little man held still, hoping for something broken so he wouldn’t have to go back up.

  “I think my ankle’s broken, or maybe my leg. Maybe both.”

  Josephine gave his leg a check and pronounced him unbroken. Consuelo smiled.

  “You couldn’t have broken your leg anyway, you landed on your belly. Plenty of padding there.” She pulled up Jeremy’s shirt and gave him a slap on his scratched and protruding belly that sounded a lot worse than it was.

  “Ouch! Shit that hurts! I think I might have internal injuries here!”

  Consuelo took a step back and snapped a sidekick a quarter inch from Jeremy’s nose that made him forget about his belly.

  “Back to work Jeremy, or you’ll have an internal injury from my foot up your ass.”

  Jeremy gave the sisters his best hurt-puppy-look and started back up the ladder. If he got done before dark, he wouldn’t have to go back up again the next day. Being a roofer in the blazing sun of Key West was no joke.

  Consuelo was all smiles.

  “So, looks like I win!”

  The sisters watched Jeremy until he was on the roof, then started back inside. Lydia put her arm around Consuelo’s shoulders and clicked her stopwatch.

  “Double or nothing?”

  ♦

  Tuna kabobs were her first choice, but the fish market was out of tuna. Lydia decided to go with broiled pompano with conch salad, baked new potatoes, marinated cucumbers, steamed green beans, and homemade Key Lime Pie. She was determined to show off her cooking skills for Brad.

  “This looks really great Lydia! Did you do all this yourself?” Other than a couple of Jeremy breaks, Lydia had been working like a cart donkey for hours preparing the meal. She smiled a shy smile at Brad.

  “Oh, it’s just a little something I whipped up.”

  Consuelo didn’t hesitate and started helping herself to the food. “Yeah, good-looking eats, Sis!” She loaded her plate and attacked.

  “You’ll have to excuse Consuelo, Brad, she’s a growing girl.” Lydia gave her sister a warning look. Consuelo glanced across the table from Brad and gave their guest a big wink.

  “Well, I haven’t had pompano in a while. It’s actually one of my favorites.” Brad helped himself to a serving of everything and dug in himself.

  “There’s pie too. The limes you gave me yesterday from your tree.” Lydia was proud of that.

  “Oh really? I’m impressed Lydia.” They were both smiling big.

  Josephine was picking at her salad. She didn’t eat much, not at the table at least. She took the smallest piece of fish on the platter for herself and tried a little bite. Brad was noticing. Lydia noticed Brad noticing.

  “And Josey here is a picky eater. She just eats mostly salad, fruit, and some fish. Very delicate little flower she is.” Josephine fluttered her eyelashes at Brad and gave him a coy look. “She likes to eat things right out of the garden too, but we won’t go into that.”

  Consuelo came up for air after a big pull on her beer mug. “Yeah, she likes to eat bugs, mostly.”

  Consuelo’s eyes got big for a second, and then tears came to her eyes. Lydia had taken off her shoe and had a death grip on her sister’s Achilles’ tendon with her toes. It was her one weak spot.

  Brad was smiling, but wary.

  “Is that so, Josephine? You eat bugs?”

  Josephine looked him square in the eye with her most serious look.

  “Yes!”

  She surprised herself as much as her sisters by not stuttering. She held her head high and smiled as though she had just delivered a major speech.

  “Brad, Josey’s a little, different.” Lydia had been going over all day how she was going to explain her sisters. “She studied a lot of diet books and is into her own version of the Paleolithic Diet. It’s pretty much what monkeys eat: certain leaves, fruit, some meat, and yes, bugs. It doesn’t seem to be hurting her any, and she looks healthy enough.”

  Josephine stood and stuck her ample chest out and strutted once around the table like a fashionably bored model on a runway. Consuelo provided commentary, using a loaf of French bread for a microphone, “And next is Princess Bug Breath, that slinky temptress of the tropics, with a form fitting Sloppy Joe’s wife-beater top and shocking-pink shorts with a dirt smudge on the bottom that say, ‘I’m hot!’” Josephine stopped when she got back to her chair, turned around and shook her ass at everyone, then sat back down and resumed picking at her food.

  Brad was having a good time. He gave Josephine a round of applause and went back to his pompano.

  “Josey can’t talk real good, usually. Stutters, you know.” Consuelo was chewing a big mouthful of bread. “She’s a little crazy too.” That got her some looks, so she quickly added, “But then our teachers said we were all a little off.” She came up with a weak smile and got interested in her food again.

  Brad wasn’t going to argue the point. “I bet you ladies were a real challenge for your teachers in school all right.” Everyone looked at Lydia.

  “We mostly behaved in school. We made a point not to stand out or draw too much attention to ourselves. The teachers my sister is referring to are the special teachers we had.”

  A fly made a quick treetop pass over the dinner table. The two younger sisters noticed. Lydia continued, “We lived with our mother, but we spent time with a couple of her friends who taught us things they didn’t teach in school. One of them was a man who was a guest sometimes at our hotel named Logan. He was off on his travels to the Orient a lot, but always spent time with us when he was around. He had some really fantastic stories of his travels and the strange people he knew over there. Great stuff for girls who hardly ever went anywhere. He was quite the master in martial arts, and taught Consuelo a lot of survival stuff too.”

  Consuelo narrowed her eyes and tried to look shifty. The fly made another low pass over the table, then circled back for some altitude and a better look at all the food in the target area. Brad noticed the fly, and that Consuelo and Josephine were both locked onto it but weren’t letting on. Lydia continued.

  “He used to take her up in the mountains in the winter and leave her up there with no clothes or anything. She learned how to make a knife out of rock, and how to make a fire with just sticks. Left her up there for five days once during Christmas break. She came back wearing some clothes made out of vines and animal fur. Had to get her own food too. Gained two pounds as I remember.”

  Consuelo held up three fingers and continued eating without looking up. Lydia nodded. “I stand corrected, Ninja-Girl.”

  “Logan taught us first-aid at an early age. When Consuelo started to climb trees in dangerous ways and developed a knack for falling and breaking things, we practiced on her. By the time she was ten, Consuelo was an expert on broken bones, so she did a report on it for her class at school one day. As usual, she was behind in grades and hoped to get a quick A. After explaining the different kinds of breaks and the proper way to set bones, she went over to the classroom door. When she was sure she had everyone’s full attention, she slammed the heavy door closed on her forearm and pulled back hard. When the bone broke it made a loud snap, which was followed by the thud of her teacher fainting, and the shrieks and gasps of her fellow students.” Everyone looked at Consuelo, who glanced up from her food and shrugged. Lydia liked telling the story, and didn’t get many opportunities. “Of course she got in big trouble for that one, and afterwards we learned not to draw attention to ourselves.”

  The fly circled in for a landing. The two youngest sisters both shot hands out and made a
grab at the fly. It happened so fast that Brad dropped a piece of fish off his fork.

  Josephine slowly opened her hand, but there was no fly. Consuelo grinned big and squeezed her fist so hard it cracked. She opened her hand, but it too was empty.

  “Ahem, looking for this?” Lydia opened her hand and an injured fly tried to fly away, but landed on the table. Lydia picked up the fly with a piece of tissue and deposited it in the trash on the way to the sink to wash her hands. She continued on to her dumbfounded audience.

  “Besides martial arts and survival, Logan knew a few magic tricks. But not as many as our mother’s other friend.”

  ♦

  Lydia had won the bet, of course. Jeremy had fallen again earlier that evening, all the way off the roof and onto the ground the second time. Actually some Crotons planted alongside the porch broke his fall. It was getting dark when he’d swatted at an early mosquito, slipped on some fresh tar, and did a roller.

  Maybe sprained an ankle that time. Between the ankle, the scrapes on his stomach, and the sore legs from carrying all that stuff up the ladder, he wasn’t feeling too hot.

  He hadn’t realized how much roofing tar he had gotten on himself until he took a shower. Soap didn’t have much affect on the tar, but at least the purple blotches were starting to wear off.

  The worst was since he didn’t get done, he was going to have to go back up the next day. He thought he should maybe go to the emergency room and get his ankle checked by a real doctor. Josephine said it was just a slight sprain, but what did she know? If not the emergency room, then at least go straight to bed and get some rest and keep weight off his sore ankle.

  Jeremy gave all this some serious thought as he was going out the door heading for the Pink Snapper.

  ♦

  Lydia told Brad about their other teacher, an eccentric and powerful woman named Wiola. As she spoke, Brad thought he saw Josephine giving her oldest sister some kind of covert hand signals. Sign language?