Key Weirder Page 15
Which would likely explain the increase in sports cars, and air traffic I’d seen lately. Before I could say anything, she tossed her long dark hair back and gave me a good solid glare.
“I almost missed you when I got the call from Ponce’s landlady. Luckily that funky truck of yours is easy to spot, even doing ninety down US 1.”
The red Corvette.
“An associate hired these men to wait for you here,” she looked around Lenny and took a half-step back, obviously noticing the machine gun and wild-eyed George for the first time, “while I used my father’s assets to follow you.”
She could tell I didn’t know what she was talking about, and came up with a smug smile. “My father is Crazy Roy, perhaps you’ve heard of him?”
Who hadn’t. Owner of Crazy Roy’s Big Boys Toys. Based in Miami and featuring every kind of non-essential, high-dollar “toy” every red-blooded man in the country was dying to have.
I noticed a cat over by the dumpster behind the Daltons.
“Young lady, I know this ain’t exactly what you’re wanting to hear, but I haven’t seen Ponce, and I got no idea where he is.”
I was right, she definitely didn’t want to hear that, at all.
“Ha! Liar! He told me he was going to the swamp to look for his silly Fountain of Youth, and our planes followed you to the biggest swamp in the world – the Everglades!” She looked over at George, still pointing the big gun my way. “Does that thing work?”
“You kidding? Want I should shoot off an arm? Maybe a leg?”
I saw a man walk by at the far end of the alley.
“Maybe you could just shoot by his feet, like they do in those old Westerns?” I could tell her heart wasn’t in anybody getting hurt.
“Like this?”
The gun made a helluva noise and bullets kicked up the dust by my feet. I did a little involuntary dance step. The short burst of machine gun fire had George jumping up and down.
“Hot damn! That was fun! Don’t spill the beans too quick, Taco Bob. I got plenty of ammunition!” Lenny grinned and held up the ammo belt. As the dust settled, the man I’d seen was coming down the alley. He wasn’t a big man, and kinda thin. As he got closer I could see he had a pointy goatee beard and was carrying a cat. Ponce.
“Taco Bob!” He walked past the others without giving them a glance and set the cat down by my feet. “Que pasa, mi amigo!” Ponce gave me a big smile and a bigger hug, all back slapping and happy. “I am so glad to see you, Señor Taco!” Man was about to hug the stuffing out of me. I stood there with my hands up in the air still, not sure what to do.
“I’m proud to see you too, Ponce. You happened along at just the right time, I’d say.”
He turned loose and stood there grinning at me.
“I am just back in Key West today! I went to the house of the Two Willies, they say Mary Ann has your truck and to check around the marina. So I am on my way to the marina, I hear a loud noise, and here you are!” This was followed by another rib-cracking hug. Ponce finally broke and spun around, looking at the Daltons.
“And these? These must be the famous Dalton Gang! So nice to meet you! I’ve heard much about you!” He gave each Dalton a hearty handshake, then turned slowly and menacingly toward the woman.
“Angelina! Why are you here!” She gave Ponce a look cold enough to freeze spit.
“I am looking for you, believe it or not!” Ponce was giving her the look right back.
“Ha! For what then? To make fun of my inherent quest for everlasting youth? To tell me again I am not man enough for you because I juggle cats for a living?” This last bit got Angelina. She lost the ice in her eyes and hung her head. Ponce stayed on it. “This is what you told me, remember? That is why I left!”
Angelina didn’t look up, mumbling something. Ponce stood his ground, defiant as ever.
“What are you saying, woman? I can not hear you!”
“I said, I was wrong! Ever since you left, all I can think about is you. I followed your friend here across Florida hoping to find you.”
Now Ponce was easing back.
“Really?”
“Yes, really.” Angelina was crying now. “And because.” Everyone stared at the attractive young woman in black leather. She looked Ponce dead in the eye. “And because, I’m pregnant!”
Ponce stepped back like he’d taken a punch to the forehead, then rushed to Angelina.
“A baby! An heir! Oh, Angelina!”
While the happy parents-to-be were holding each other and bawling like babies themselves, I still had my hands up and George was rolling his eyes. The happy couple grabbed the cat and waved a tearful farewell, roaring off on the big motorcycle. Which left me with my hands up in front of the Dalton Gang and a large machine gun. I decided to try something.
“Lenny, bet they got some mighty fine eats over at the parade. Conch fritters, grouper sandwiches, lobster casserole.” Lenny was drooling, George was angry.
“You hush now, Taco Bob! Don’t be trying none of your tricks on Lenny here.” It looked like I was about to get another dancing lesson, so I decided to let it slide. There was a noise between the buildings then, followed by a most lovely sight – a National Guard tank with a loudspeaker.
“You, with the machine gun. Step away from the machine gun. NOW!”
George and Lenny, not fully grasping the situation, turned their gun toward the tank. I decided this was an excellent time for me to continue on my journey to check on my truck. I ran as fast as my legs would take me, but looked back when a warning shot from the tank hit the dumpster behind the Daltons. The last I saw, they were holding their hands up and looking a bit dazed.
♦
I managed to get through the mass of humanity whooping it up with the parade going on in Old Town. It was kind of like the Possum Gras parades I remembered from my Texas days, except for all the painted naked people, riots, and National Guard troops. Most of the side streets were full of all kinds of cars, trucks, and RVs where folks were camping out and living in their vehicles. There wasn’t all that many people around though, because everybody was either at the parade or heading over to the concert place.
I was happy to find my old truck there at One-Eyed Pete’s sister’s place, parked in the side yard like before. It looked like Mary Ann had been sleeping in my little homemade camper on the back all right. I dug around under the mattress and found the little statue. It was going to be a mite cramped with the two of us trying to sleep on that small of a bed. But I figured that would be a good problem to have.
Nobody was home at the house and my bicycle wasn’t in the back yard, so I figured Mary Ann was using it like I’d told her. I hoofed it back across the island and got to Mr. Willie’s place just before dark. Sara was there with the two Willie’s, all teary-eyed and handing out hugs to everyone after I gave her the little gold statue. She said she’d bring it back later on, and then she took off into the night.
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61
Jeremy
Jeremy figured Carol must be starting her period or something, since she was being even more of a hard-nosed bitch than usual. Instead of thanking him for getting that information from the fortuneteller, she had gotten all mad. Women.
Carol had ordered him to get out on the streets and find Sara and not come back without her stupid Chacmools. Yeah, right. Jeremy had found some money in Carol’s bag when she went to the can back in her hotel room, so it was time to party.
The parade was going on with all those hot-looking, drunk women everywhere wearing long strings of beads and not much else. Someone ordering emergency supplies to be flown into Key West must have mixed up the order for bottled water and tequila. The result was a drinking water shortage, and premium tequila was going for a dollar a bottle on Duval Street. If it wasn’t for Carol, Jeremy figured he’d be having the time of his life.
As he headed for the parade, Jeremy thought he saw someone who looked like Sara coming from the marina. It was hard to
tell because she was so damn ordinary looking. Jeremy was torn for a moment, but decided to follow her when a jolt from the collar around his neck reminded him of Carol. She must have discovered she was light some cash.
By the time he could see straight again, and made sure the jolt hadn’t caused him to bite off his tongue, Sara was gone. Jeremy panicked and ran off in the direction she’d been going and caught sight of her going into a little house. He still wasn’t sure it was her, but figured it was worth hanging around for a few minutes.
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62
Saul
Saul finally got into Key West. The roads were jammed, so he had to drive through a few yards and down some sidewalks. Parked the van over by the house where the fisherman Taco Bob had been leaving his truck. Familiar-looking truck with a funky camper and boat trailer parked there this time. Time to put on the wig and mustache he had in his bag. Stupid bikers.
About to go take a look in the camper when a tall thin guy walks up and unlocks the door and goes inside. Even better. Slip up for a little chat.
Guy comes right back out and is around the back of the house and down the street. Gotta move quick, guy is a fast walker. Guy walks across the island and goes into a little house just before dark. More waiting. Stake out the house, sitting on a parked car. A few streetlights to cut the darkness. Try out the new look with the wig, wave to the bikers going down the street. Dirt bags wave back.
Little guy across the street sitting on the curb seems to be watching the house too.
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63
Jeremy
Jeremy wanted to party. He’d been sitting outside the house in the dark waiting for some woman that might not even be Sara for too long. Some tall guy had gone in there, but nobody had come out. He had to be careful; he remembered Sara had a lot of martial arts training.
There was music in the distance, and only a few stragglers on the streets, almost everyone was at the concert. Jeremy was working up a real good case of self-pity when somebody came out of the house and headed straight for him. He crouched down behind a car and waited. The person coming looked like her, all right. Jeremy stood up.
“Sara?”
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Saul
Saul winced when the little guy hit the woman in the forehead with a board. He could hear the crack the blow made from where he sat. Woman went down like a sack of potatoes.
Little guy fumbled around there in the dark and came up with a bag, looked inside, and took off running. What to do. Went over to check out the woman. Little mousy thing, not much. Looked a little like the picture the agency sent. Wasn’t out, but definitely down for the count.
Decided to run down the little guy and see what he had. Might just be a purse, might be a little gold idol. Only one way to find out.
Little guy was hauling and got to a hotel before Saul could make the intercept.
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65
Jeremy
“Open the fucking door, Carol!”
Jeremy was pounding on the door to Carol’s room and sweating buckets. He thought he was going to have a heart attack or something. He had trouble getting his breath since he hadn’t run farther than to the bathroom in years.
♦
Carol was spread out on the bed watching the concert on TV. There were some good close-up shots of the lead singer of the opening band – he still had a nice body for his age. Jeremy pounding on the door was becoming a bit distracting. She reached into her bag for the transmitter.
“I told you not to come back here without my property! Now go away!”
Jeremy finally got in a couple of good breaths.
“I got the Chacmools! Now open the…”
Carol had Jeremy by the dog collar and was dragging him in the door before he could finish. She grabbed the bag out of his hands and ripped it open.
She froze, then slowly took each of the three Chacmools out of the bag and gently laid them on the bed. There was a knock at the door, a male voice.
“Room service!”
Carol and Jeremy looked at each other.
“Did you order something?”
“No! I was going to order later!”
Carol looked worried, she turned toward the door.
“I didn’t order anything!”
“Complimentary Margaritas, ma’am.”
Before she could stop him, Jeremy opened the door. A tall, unhappy-looking Hispanic man handed Jeremy two Margaritas from a cart. Jeremy threw a dollar on the cart and slammed the door.
They killed the Ritas. The tossed glasses shattered against the wall. Carol gave Jeremy a big hug and looked about to cry from happiness.
There was another knock at the door.
“Who is it?”
“Land Shark.”
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66
Saul
Saul finally caught up to the little guy. Guy was pounding on a door in the hotel, said “Chacmool”, then disappeared inside. About to check it out when some spic guy comes by with a room service cart. Get scarce until the spic goes to the next floor.
Go to the door and get funny. Nobody laughing, no sense of humor. Hotel doors look stronger than they are. Couple shots with the bikers gun and the lock’s gone and kick it in. Little guy and some hot broad are breaking huddle. Put the gun in some faces, everybody stays still. Hands up.
Three little gold idols on the bed. Jackpot! Pop guy in the head hard with the gun, he goes down. Broad gets hysterical, says Chacmools are leaving over her dead body. Tell her that won’t really be necessary. Shoot her one time in the leg. Looks shocked like she can’t believe it, then keels over. Down and out. Handy bag there on the bed, pick up the gold and split.
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67
Sara
Sara was on her feet, but still kind of shaky. Somebody had really let her have it with a piece of lumber. She remembered a familiar voice saying her name, then some big guy with stringy hair and a mustache. The bag with the Chacmools was gone. She had no idea what to do.
There was music in the air, coming from behind her. She turned and could see the glow in the night sky coming from the concert. The streets were deserted, no one around, just the usual cats and a stray dog or two.
Someone was moving, down toward the end of the street. A big guy walking fast past a streetlight took a left before she could get a good look. Sara shook herself out and ran through some backyards and got a look at the guy. He was holding her bag and heading for the other side of the island.
She ran along behind the row of parked cars until she was ahead of him, then came off the hood of a Volvo and caught the guy in the face with a good solid sidekick. Guy stood there holding his face while she did a roll on the ground. Sara came back up and gave him three uppercuts in the groin. That straightened up his legs for another solid sidekick, this one to the knee. The guy’s leg made a sickly crack and he went down hard, screaming. She had to give him a few more kicks in the face before he let go of the bag. Somewhere in the struggle the guy’s hair came off.
Sara started running, then heard a gunshot and something whiz by her head. She looked back and saw the guy still on the ground, but aiming a gun at her, ready to take another shot. Then two bikers were there, one kicked the gun away. Keep running.
The power place where she’d had the vision was where she needed to go to use the Chacmools, the place where they had been building the big stage.
Soon she would be with her beloved Charlie again.
∨ Key Weirder ∧
68
The Benefit Concert
Before the Fantasy Fest parade went down Duval Street to the concert site, the Hemingway Look-A-Like contest had been held on the giant stage. The stage was big enough to hold all the contestants and judges, and extended to the edge of the water on the southernmost side. Coming off the other side of the stage was a plywood ramp that went dow
n to a cluster of trailers and support vehicles surrounded by a tall chain-link fence.
The rest of the land surrounding the stage was packed with people. By the time the sun was nearing the horizon, there were thousands of people ready for the sun to set and the show to begin. There wasn’t much breeze, and it had been an especially hot afternoon, so National Guard troops had been distributing bottled water to the crowd for several hours. When they ran out of water they began handing out bottles of Tequila. Food cannons onstage were blasting bags of snacks to the crowd. The main problem was the lack of sanitary facilities. There had been only two truckloads of portable toilets available on such short notice, and one of those was broken down somewhere along US1.
The people on the water side of the stage didn’t have that problem. Thousands more people were in boats or else just standing in the clear shallow water that stretched out for over a hundred yards from shore before it got deep. Luckily there was a strong tide, and the current was washing most of the waste and trash out to sea. Some of the closest boats had been anchored for days to get a good spot, and their occupants looked sunburned even in the dimming light.
As the sun came down to meet the ocean, the sky was clearing of air traffic and the high clouds on the horizon turned several shades of pink and crimson. It was a magnificent sunset and the huge crowd quieted in awe of nature’s incredible display until the only sound was the occasional bloodcurdling scream of someone in the water stepping on a stingray or sea urchin.
Every eye was to the west as the sun touched the water and began to slowly elongate like a candle flame. There was a hint of rumble from behind, and five Navy fighter jets came over the Southernmost Point at treetop level and screamed off into the sunset as the last of the candle flicked out. The noise of the jets shook the ground and the crowd went apeshit. Everyone was cheering and applauding when the governor of Florida ran onto the stage grinning and waving. The crowd continued to cheer as the governor realized his microphone wasn’t working and no one could hear what he was saying. The noise of the jets was replaced with a rumbling from the dozens of speakers set around the stage. The governor threw down his speech and stomped off the stage.